cPTSD and the Fear-Based World

I'm beginning to notice that everything I do has associations with some type of negative emotion.

My entire world is permeated by fear and anxiety.

I think cPTSD is the maladaptation to having every simple mundane task, become associated with a fear memory.

Just now for example:

Typing behind the computer while I should be asleep is triggering guilt and shame
Opening the door to go to the bathroom is triggering anxiety (in case my parents hear (and the implications of this are shame/etc.))

Even down to writing a note like this,
the fear of getting it wrong,
the fear of wasting my time,
the fear of it being time spent better elsewhere,

every little thing I do carries an undercurrent of fear and anxiety.

I take this for granted,
to me, this is normal

I'm beginning to think it's not though.

ADHD and cPTSD (ADHD-c)

If everything carries a negative connotation, then it'd make sense that every action would be heavily disincentivized as well. The learned helplessness you see in people with cPTSD,
why wouldn't they have it?

There is no reward in anything,
and there is only punishment in everything.

This carries over to even the thoughts of these actions, or certain thoughts in general.

If every subject/thought arouses intense negative emotion, wouldn't it make sense not to focus on any of them?

Is it ADHD if you're subconsciously blocking the subject you're darting away from out?

Maybe this is what causes the classic glassiness often found in traumatized people. The shell shocked eyes. The absentmindedness of the crazy belligerent lady on the corner.

I've talked to them before, and there's this distinct feeling of some part of their mind not being fully there.

And it's probably true. The live in delusion, because most of their real thoughts and memories carry a valence of intense negative emotion.

I'm noticing this a lot with cPTSD victims: bring up anything remotely related to some uncomfortable truth, and they will almost be literally incapable of engaging with the subject matter.

Now imagine if these negative connotations spread down towards even the tiniest mundane little thing.

What would the world look like to a person with cPTSD?

Additionally the lengths sufferers of cPTSD go to avoid talking or even thinking about their trauma is pretty astounding. A maze of comfortable delusions that just keeps getting built on further and further. Though resembling the Winchester house to an outside observer, trying to argue against these seemingly nonsensical beliefs is a well-intentioned but ultimately ineffective approach. ↩